


trade your heart for bones

by desroyales



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 15:36:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18672562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desroyales/pseuds/desroyales
Summary: He always thought he needed a getaway.





	trade your heart for bones

**Author's Note:**

> highly inspired from lauv's come back home (gdi i love that song)

After his last relationship shattered into pieces, Soonyoung finds it hard to believe in love and open his heart for a new beginning. It's never easy for him; the idea of having a commitment even though he knows the person so well to their core. He can't ever be tied, he always lives his life according to his will, just like a bird flying free between the skies. But the problem is he's hanging by a thin rope of decision of whether he should leave Seokmin behind and live his life (and probably start a career to get his head distracted) or throw his ego away and run back to his arms.

Soonyoung has tried the first option, at first, he managed to forget most of the good memories - more like ignore the reminisces - but as time passed by, he felt hollow.  _It's just a phase,_ he thought. Time went by and it crept into him deeper and deeper until it made him realized he had done something terribly wrong. Seokmin has always been a good person, a great one to him, and he foolishly - mindlessly - left him behind, his questions unanswered.

Then Soonyoung tries to pursue his dream in another city, with another hope that he can completely resist the urge of running back to his recent ex-lover. With hectic and packed schedules, he succeeds in the resisting business, but he can't deny the existence of those nights where the bed feels uncomfortably cold.  _Just like the days when he_   _wasn't here_ ; sure, he can lie to himself to cover the truth but nonetheless the lie will eventually lose. Those days when Seokmin was absent and they were still in a relationship, Soonyoung could just dial him and talk to him until he hit the dreamland. Now, he can only stare at his phone screen, contemplating whether should or should not he make a call. His thumb ghosts right above the screen, doubt keeps stepping in, intruding, but the day ends there, and the call isn't made.

Weeks and weeks of hard work to earn his degree, he feels he deserves some days off and fly back to his home and regather with his family, thus he books a flight back home. He is told to wait for his flight in the waiting area but only God knows how long he'll have to wait, and he is not the kind of person who can wait that long without actually doing something. Shame, he got a night flight and most of the kiosks are closed already, leaving the minimarket as the only choice. He only gets his favorite chips and soda and he slides some cash to the cashier before he unlocks his phone and texts his mom, then the cashier hails him and gives him a tiny object: a photo of Seokmin that is slipped in between cash. When he has the plastic bag with him, he still has the photograph between his fingers, tightly gripping it so it won't fly away.

_How is he now... is he still at where he usually be..._

The flight back to his home takes approximately 2 hours, he pulls out that small photograph of Seokmin that he slipped inside his pants pocket before. The photograph is taken when Seokmin was still 18 years old, and that was 4 years ago. The face on the photograph looks young, even though the last time Soonyoung saw Seokmin was around half a year ago he is sure Seokmin's face would've probably changed.  _Seokmin, Seokmin, Seokmin..._ _I need to sleep._

 

With his bleary eyes, he tried to distinguish his parents from a crowd of people, but their faces are nowhere to be found. He crouches down near the pillars with his bag beside him and tries to reach out to his mom, but it is 00.50 already,  _she must have been asleep_ , he thought,  _well then I guess I should order a cab_. He has barely taken 5 steps when he hears his name being called out. The voice definitely does not belong to his mom nor his father, not even his older sister; he shifts his head to the sound's direction and his heart begins to race. Soonyoung would love it if he's still in his dream instead.

"Seokmin? What are you doing here?" He takes doubtful steps towards the other man. His jaw voluntarily hangs and he can't stop himself from blinking rapidly, in hope that he's still dreaming. Seokmin still has those twinkling eyes with a vague smile, he hasn't changed a feature, only his haircut, probably the way he dresses too; he used to go anywhere in his washed-out jeans and his gray jacket, now Soonyoung is seeing him in a different outfit - beige trench coat and Chelsea boots.

"Your mom asked me to pick you up here," his expression is something Soonyoung can't recognize, it is something between worried, tired, touched, "you didn't tell her about us?" that's right, he didn't. Soonyoung's mom loves Seokmin so much she even considers him as her own son so Soonyoung thought telling her about the break-up would shatter her heart and that is something he will never ever do.

He simply shakes his head, "I haven't found some nice words to tell her about it. Why did you want to pick me up?" Soonyoung's eyes are somehow fixed on the other's; drowning in the brown pool like he used to be.

Long inhale, "I think it is because I missed you."

It pierces Soonyoung to his heart, who would've thought that the person he misses is also struggling on the same thing? Soonyoung gulped down a good amount of his saliva, "please just take me home, Lee Seokmin."

 

The trip from the airport to Soonyoung's house produces an eery quiet situation between the two. Even when the radio is playing some music, the silence makes Soonyoung feels a lump in his throat. How the tables have turned, he used to hold Seokmin's hand while he's driving like this, now he leaves a gap, an aching gap between him and Seokmin.

_Should I just say it? No... I'm not ready yet, maybe later._

Some moments later they have arrived in front of Soonyoung's house. In a normal situation, Soonyoung would have gotten himself out of the car, but somehow his limbs refuse as his mind goes blank and his face still. Such a view makes Seokmin has to put his hand around Soonyoung and hail him again and again until Soonyoung responses, then the word vomit comes, "I'm so sorry, Seokmin."

He retracts his hand hesitantly, unable to comprehend, "what do you mean? Are you going to throw up here?" the voice, it is the kind of voice Seokmin would use when he has to take care of a sick Soonyoung, "I have a paper bag back there let me get it fo-"

"No," he quickly denies, "no, I'm fine, Seokmin. I'm not going to throw up," he snorts, taking a deep breath before continuing his words, "I'm so sorry I left you like that, I'm so sorry I left you for Tokyo. I'm so sorry it didn't work out."

Seokmin's eyes soften, he looks down before Soonyoung can spot tears pooling over it, "no, Soonyoung, it's okay. You don't need to apologize."

"No, I have to. It must have been difficult for you because believe me it was, and it is. I thought the only way to stop the arguments we always had back then was to leave you behind and spare your heart for someone who's clearly way better than me, but I finally realized that is not the solution," Seokmin sits frozen, face numb, "my time in Tokyo taught me so many things, being an understanding person definitely changes me, completely."

He finally looks up, a single tear trace is visible on his left cheek, "it's nice to know that," he whispers, his voice is broken and it just pushes the knife in Soonyoung's heart deeper.

"Seokmin, let me understand you. Let's be a grown-up and respect for each other. Please, let me love you again."

Seokmin is stunned and wide-eyed, seatbelt still wrapping across his torso, he doesn't know what to say or what to do next, just like a deer caught in the headlights. Inside, he is arguing whether Soonyoung is drunk or not, is he blabbering or sincere, he can't tell which is true because throughout the part of his life knowing Soonyoung, he is full of surprises and unpredictable.

In front of him sits the person who seems has failed to move on from their last relationship with puppy eyes being on display, waiting for Seokmin's next move. They don't say a word or make a single move for 2 minutes, they simply just stare into each other's eye, trying to read each other's mind, then Soonyoung feels this will not get him back to Seokmin. With a tremendous amount of guilt and regret hitting him like a wave, he tries his best not to choke on his own tears as he starts to feel this weird build-up feeling on his nose, "well, just forget what I said," says he while making an attempt to escape the car before he hears something from Seokmin.

"Don't," the voice is small yet Soonyoung can still hear it.

"Don't what?" Soonyoung doesn't face Seokmin, he has one foot out on the ground and he is ready to get out of there.

"Don't leave like this."

"Tell me how should I leave then," now Soonyoung is upset, to himself for being a fool also to Seokmin for not giving him answers.

Seokmin gulped down hard, trying to collect words in his head but unable to do so due to the tears building behind his eyes from feeling guilty, "I don't want you to leave..." he says with a heave.

Soonyoung looks up before he faces Seokmin, "then do you want me to stay?" Seokmin nods, "tell me. I want to hear it from you that you want me to stay."

"I want you to stay with me, until death does us apart," this time, it comes out without hesitation, the expression across his face indicates that he means no joke.

"Are you proposing me or something? Because that sounds like it," he scoffs lightly.

Seokmin chuckles, the little smile forming on his lips somehow crushed Soonyoung's heart, "No, I'm not, but I'm going to."

Silence... "well then, I look forward to that, and by this I'm taking this as a yes to letting me love you again," he shoots a smile, "I should go inside, my mom must be longing for me, thank you for the ride and the opportunity..." the smile grows bigger, "...love."

"My pleasure, baby," Seokmin ducks his head, his smile never leaves his face as Soonyoung steps out of the car. However, he feels like there is something he wants to do but he hasn't done it. No, it's not about checking the passenger's seat nor the back seat, it's not about the car, and Soonyoung's belongings are already with him. He takes a look at the front door and he finds Soonyoung still knocking on the door, apparently someone left his house key. Then he remembers. He hurriedly steps out of the car and slams the door loud enough for Soonyoung to turn his head around. He lightly runs towards his was-ex-now-boyfriend and pulls him into a kiss.


End file.
